


Not that simple

by MissKitty28



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Season/Series 13, spn season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25286068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKitty28/pseuds/MissKitty28
Summary: “How is it? To be in love?’’ Jack’s question had taken them all by surprise.(Destiel strongly implied - Context: second part of season 13)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Not that simple

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fanfiction I wrote in french two years ago. I'm trying to translate some of them, it helps me practice my english :) This is not my mother tongue, I hope there won't be too many errors. Feel free to let me know if you notice anything, I'm all for improvement :-)
> 
> Thank you for giving it a chance! <3

“How is it? To be in love?’’

Jack’s question had taken them all by surprise. Sam was absentmindedly listening to a podcast, while Cas had just joined Dean, who was throwing cereals in a bowl. They stopped what they were doing, their attention drawn to the young man’s question after he just entered the kitchen.

Dean looked deeply confused. “Huh?’’ 

“I was reading this book,’’ Jack explained, showing them the object causing his questioning, “and the way people describe that feeling makes me want to fall in love. It sounds really nice.’’

“First Jack, this…’’ Dean pointed what Jack was holding, “…is NOT a book, this is a magazine, a thing chicks usually like to read on a beach. And two, what is it even doing here?!’’ he said accusingly, directly looking at his brother.

Sam cleared his throat, embarrassed, and looked away. “So hmm, Jack, why do you wanna fall in love?’’

“I’d like to share that kind of bond with a person. The way people are talking about it, the way it makes them feel… Do you think a Nephilim could fall in love?’’ 

They exchanged shy looks, except Dean and Cas, who cautiously avoided each other’s eyes. 

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to,’’ Sam finally answered.

“I’m part angel, and they’re not known for being especially in touch with their feelings. Have you ever been in love?’’ he suddenly asked Cas, turning his body to him.

The angel’s eyes were looking at the ground.

“Well… history has proved that angels can fall in love and give up everything they have to live that romance,’’ the angel said, avoiding to answer the real question.

“With a human?’’ the young man asked curiously.

Cas stuttered, which usually never happened. “I… yeah… I mean… this is usually how it worked. Love is the most human feeling of all, and only humans could inspire an angel to feel it.’’

“You’re living the life of a hunter now, Jack,’’ Dean intervened, while he had remained silent so far. “Hunters rarely get to live the perfect life with their loved one. Our way of life doesn’t allow us to do that.’’ 

“Oh… so, you’ve never been in love?’’ 

Dean instantly regretted opening his mouth. He rolled his eyes, trying to look casual, but his look awkwardly drifted to the angel sitting next to him. 

“That’s not really my point. What I mean is… whatever feelings you have, acting on them would be way too dangerous for that person. It would be used against you. Some lives have been destroyed. The feeling of the loss… sometimes, it’s just too much.’’

“Like you, when Castiel died?’’ 

The brown hair angel frowned interrogatively at the mention of Dean’s reaction to his death, while Sam repressed a smile. A part of him was really enjoying the fact that Jack, considering how innocent he was, confronted Dean about what happened when Cas was gone. In the meantime, the eldest Winchester was damning himself for even bringing up the subject. He was pretty sure his face was turning red, real fast.

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand,’’ Jack said curiously when he was left with no answer for a moment.

Dean was struggling to find his words and was finally about to say something when Sam intervened, preventing him from explaining —he knew it would have been a sad attempt at saving face.

“Jack, the thing is… you don’t get to choose. When you fall in love, it just happens to you. You don’t have a say on it. You sometimes don’t even realize it’s happening until it’s too late.’’ 

“Have you ever been in love?’’

Sam looked awkward for a moment. “Yeah… I mean, it’s a beautiful feeling. Like you’re being seen and understood in a unique way. Your heart beats faster in the presence of the person, there’s something really special about it. It makes you feel safe and strong, and at the same time, fragile and vulnerable, because you know how much you have to loose. It’s difficult to describe.’’

“What happened?’’ Jack asked curiously.

The youngest Winchester looked down. “They died,’’ he said, thinking of Jess but also Eileen —he may not have gotten the time to fall in love with her but not matter what it meant at the time, he loved her. “Which happens… way too often, because of our way of life.’’

“But… do you regret it?’’ 

A sad smile appeared on Sam’s lips. “No. I don’t.’’

***

The next evening, on their way to a case, Dean had to stop the car for some gas and food supplies. Sam couldn’t join them the moment they leaved the Bunker. He had something to do first, that would help them for their new mission, and was supposed to meet them later. While Dean was out of the car, Jack —who was sitting in the back seat— decided to ask Castiel a question that only he (besides the eldest Winchester himself) could answer.

“Is Dean in love with you?’’ 

Cas’ face suddenly froze. He was looking away, sitting in the passenger seat on the front of the car. For a moment, Jack wasn’t sure he had been heard by the angel.

“No,’’ Cas finally said, while he was looking down. “Why are you asking?’’ 

“Yesterday, Sam said that being in love with someone makes your heart beat faster. Dean’s heart is beating faster when he’s looking at you. Yours, too.’’ 

Cas looked intrigued for a moment. “Things are not that simple, Jack.’’ 

“Why wouldn’t they be? When you died, Dean was desperate. He looked empty, was drinking a lot… I didn’t see him sleep much either. Aren’t those signs of a deep loss and indicators of a romantic attachment?’’ 

“That’s his usual way of coping,’’ the angel simply answered.

Jack was skeptical. “I’ve been with you for months. It seemed different.’’ 

“Even if it was, it doesn’t matter,’’ he said sadly.

“And you? Do you love him?’’ 

“Of course I love the Winchesters. They are my family.’’ 

“No… I mean… are you in love with Dean?’’ Jack clarified, not realizing how insistant he was.

“Again, I’m not sure it matters,’’ Cas said in a cryptic voice.

“Looks like you are.’’ 

“I’m not even sure of what it means, Jack. Love is a very dangerous thing to feel when you are an angel.’’

“Same way it is when you’re a hunter?’’ 

“Well… the angels, they already used Dean as a way to pressure and manipulate me, in the past. An angel once said that I was lost the moment I laid a hand on Dean in Hell. She was right. But I would do it over and over again, if given a choice,’’ he ended up saying with a soft smile. 

“So you love him,’’ Jack concluded.

Cas sighed. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. Dean doesn’t deserve that kind of weight to be put on his shoulders. My feelings are my own, he shouldn’t have to handle them.’’ 

The young man seemed thoughtful for a second. “But what if they were mutual? Wouldn’t it be better if…’’ 

Dean came back to the car, interrupting their conversation. “Look what I got!’’ he said while sitting again in the driver’s seat. 

He handed a nougat bar to Jack, who took it with a smile, and put the rest of the supplies at Cas’ feet.

“You okay, man?’’ he asked in a concerned tone, when he realized how off the expression on the angel’s face was.

“I’m okay, I’m just thinking,’’ Cas tried to answer casually.

“Keep some of your thinking energy for the case, I think we gonna have a hard time with this one,’’ he said with a half-smile.

Cas kept his eyes on the Winchester, who was starting the car again. At this moment, it just clicked. Now that words had been used to define how he felt, he couldn’t pretend that these feelings weren’t there. Not anymore.

Staring at the Winchester, he realized for the first time how deeply lost he was.


End file.
